Hi, my name’s Brian with Shave.net.

What is Shave.net?

Shave.net sends double edge safety razors and shaving soaps straight to your door

Are our blades any good?

Blades?

Multiple blade razors are for pussies. [bleeped]

Our safety razors don’t pivot or include a lubricating strip.

If you feel the need to pay for a “lubricated strip” we’ll have Guido in our warehouse baste in beard oil and shimmy for you.

But seriously, our blades are legit and sharp! Ideally best used out of the hands of toddlers and gang bangers.

Cost

Did you know even the most popular “shave clubs” [using air quotes with fingers] still cost about $100 more per year than the luxurious experience you’ll get from shaving like a real man.

Yeah, each blade runs between 10 and 30 cents, compared to $4 for the most expensive counterparts.

If you wanted to spend that much more on shaving, you could either:

• Write a $100 check to the “Feed a [insert actor’s first name here] Foundation” [under the breath] fully tax deductible, by the way[under the breath].
• OR we would give you two razors and throw in another lubricated strip, courtesy of Guido.

The costly, engineered obsolescence of a cartridge razor was created to extract more hard-earned money from your pocket.

Environment/Waste

While our blades are all fully recyclable, the EPA estimates that some 2 billion cartridge razors are simply dumped into landfills each year. That puts the cartridge razor at the top of the wasteful toiletries naughty list. [under your breath and holding secretive hand to the mouth] Sounds like naughty cartridge blades could use a spankin’. [under breath]

Convenience/Customization

Shaving with one blade is also quick once you know the proper technique. You’ll be a pro after just a few days. Sure, wet shaving with a safety razor takes a bit more skill, but so does driving a stick vs. an automatic. And we know you boys like driving stick [wink, wink].

Once you get a handle on the unique growth patterns of your face, I guarantee you will experience one of the best and most customized shaves in your life.

Cartridge razors– with their naughty “yank and chop” style– often slice your hairs below the surface of the skin. You might get a close shave, but be left with ghastly razor bumps which will kill your game for the lady lumps, if you know what I mean.

Maybe grand-pop had it right all along. Stop letting “the man” –with his deep-pocketed and successfully-convincing engineering and marketing– persuade you that you need more than one blade.

If you want to shave like Ron Swanson, smell like Davey Crockett and get the respect of Donald Trump–he could use a razor–[pointing to your scalp], go to Shave.net and experience the zen-like aura available only to those who shave like real men.